Another Chance at the ‘Balle Blanc’ Dance
Disclaimer: Everything below is a mix of what I observed and heard during the event. The goal isn’t to pinpoint "who exactly said what," but to share (usually) an outsider's view and overall perspective on these industries. I’m not here to act as a definitive firsthand source—readers should do their own research. I hope this inspires you to attend events, explore new industries, and hear what leaders are presenting. These notes combine my observations with thoughts on how things could run smoother and how ideas connect (IMO). I’m not an expert, you know? Just hanging out in the room with them. Enjoy!
Topics: Boundaries, Self-Worth, Relationships, Draining Energy, Consistency, Self-Care, Love’s Definition, Theatrical Moments, Life’s Reminders, Happiness, Independence, Patience, Discernment
This will be a more personal blog. It’s the experience of having a crush on someone, finding its mutual, discovering great understanding and inspiration from each other, but also discovering an uneven mismatch, trying to make it work, but ultimately cutting it off. There are not many small details I want to cover here, but this came out of social dance and its a huge deal to me - this is a huge chapter on my goals of social dance - in the sense, its a common situation in reality. The TV shows tell us how to respond in sometihng like this - with drama and idk? You know. But, suddenly in my life something happens and here’s how I handled it. I share this because I feel I learned some good lessons I’m proud of and I never used to act this way. Lately I’ve been working so hard on standing up for myself even more. So, I just think it’s useful and valuable to share some of the skills I’m learning and how it worked for me - and how it will maybe work for you.
Why Attend: Lately I’m LOVING ‘social dance’ - as a hobby - a lot, but as I grow relationships with different people (stronger friendships, or more) it can get complicated. How do you show up when you extra-like someone, or have awkward tension? Miscommunication, different goals… Or complicated history/maybe it too hard to be together - yet you still wanna both go to the same dancing event? This is more for me to think aloud and share. I think I’ve got stronger foundations for my relationships and self-worth than ever before latley. So, I want to share how I made these choices - and how I’m moving forward these days. I think it can be relatable and useful for anyone who’d like it. This blog is about a big celebrated charity dance ($25/person, reasonable, not like $250/person) and the experience.
Overall Event Ratings: Venue (3.9/5), Food (5/5), Speaker Content (3/5), Networking (5/5), Likeliness to Return (4.99/5)
Photo Collage + Commentary:
I also had on a really cute sparkley headband that later could be used as a necklace!? but… i didn’t take a pic of myself that night, so this pic i took today hahaha. put back on my dress, took the pic - but now i realize, oh yeah- IRL i had that amazing headband too. now there’s more motivation to wear it again :)
Notes from the Event:
I just want to tell the story of my night without much before or after context. Because I don’t want to reveal a lot, I don’t need to reveal a lot, and you know, if it comes up again or I want to add more, amazing. But I want to talk about the night in white - almost matter-of-fact (though its all based off my interpretation and I may have misinterpreted things wrong, so just take it all with salt). Then, in colors I’ll write anything I want to elaborate on.
HOW THE EVENT RAN - my experience
This place was not easy to find at all. It also is not easy to travel to by transit - and then there is also no parking.
Actually, I thought it was going to be somewhere completely different than this, just in my mind.
So, when I arrived there, I thought I was at the wrong event, cause I hardly saw anyone I recognized. That was so strange to me. Usually you see many familiar faces.
Also, I realized that there was no class going on (usually they have a lesson the first hour, then dancing the last two, its part of why I rushed there, I like the class most days) - but then it was just people freestyle dancing to the DJ music.
That surprised me, no live band.
Then I was looking for someone but figured they were running late and so I went to the restroom to freshen up.
Later, he told me they’d seem me arrive - so I guess i missed him.
And this is part of it, too. I like peopel who take inaitive, especially when there is miscommunication in the air and you’re not sure where things stand.
Like at one point he said to me, “are you mad at me?” and I’d literally blocked him on whatsapp to make a point. It’s not “mad”. It’s just… empty. Because it’s too expensive on my emotions, time, attention, peace, and efforts to try and meet you where you’re at and even understand why to be on that level. YOu know? As much as there are amazing reasons to be togehter and spend time together, it’s too hard to prioritize and so much of the time I feel like I don’t matter.
I get this all the time, guys/people say to me, “i love talking to you, you make me feel so amazing” - and often, I’m left feeling completely empty after, or jsut so hoepfully they’ll give more. With attention, listening, care, intuition, instinct. Idk.
But I am also learning my patterns and how to find balance, so. It’s just taking time.
I later, finally saw that person dancing with someone else - the first time I saw him.
Alright. I thought - and even before I saw them there, I was having a lot of fun and realized if they didn’t show up - it’d be okay, I’d still have fun. Plenty of fun.
But him there meant we’d neeed to have a conversation (or not have the conversation, which woudl also say a lot)
Cause I was hoping we’d talk things through, even a few sentences or so, before just dancing again - no dessert before your veggies - and get feeling better. Steady.
One thing Ai noted, when I was using its help to understand myself in this relationship compared to others, was how he kept “pulling me in” trying to get my attention and provide his excuses, instead of meeting me and raising up to me.
I’m finding this pattern and I’m actually excited to address it (I mean, just within myself, now identifying it in realationships and converations) and using this to understand the big picture more. So i can be a bit more on offense and defense and try to build healthier relationships.
We talked a little and he asked me to dance, but I felt like I coudln’t just give him a dance and keep moving on like things were fine when they weren’t quite right. You know? He just handed me excuses and even though i did maybe wanna dance, I couldn’t get my mouth to say “yes” and my body to stand up.
He walked away and danced with other girls all night.
I did the same, dancing with other guys, whoever asked me to dance - and it was super fun… but eventually I was literally running out of motivation and energy, cause it’d been over an hour and he hadn’t tried again and I literally was so tired from the clubs the past two nihgt hahaha. I felt like hungover without drinking, but my body was depleated.
So then I sat at the chair alone for like over an hour. And I just was so tired and kept telling everyone “no” but enjoyed watching some amazing couples. I took a break and sat by the beach some, too - but a lot of my favorite/classic people to dance with weren’t even there.
So it was a different experience
But I met a nice lady who invited me to more dance events. And then even another guy yesterday I’ve befriended invited me to more dance events at a second location. You know? So it compounds.
Finally, the third to last song came on and it was a waltz,
Just before that, the guy we’re paying attention to in all of this story came back up to talk to me again. He asked why I hadn’t been dancing and I said, “i’m so so tired”. Cause I really was.
Also then he said some more nice things. But not really addressing anything or big picture, not on my level of any of this still - you know? Like i’m talking to someone not really seeing me
THen he just said, please, come have this dance with me. I really want to waltz with you.
But at this point I kinda joked, “do you even know how to waltz?” (cause I hardly do, and i’ve been dancing since I was a pre-teen)
Then suddenly this amazing dancer came right up to me (he and I had only danced once earlier that night) and he said, do you want to dance?
Then i said, sure, and i looked at the guy and said “i’ll save you teh last dance”
Then I had an amazing waltz and it was so fun.
And I realize he kinda saved me, too - cause I love to dance so well and everytime I dance with this other guy, I totally don’t even dance to my full potential at all. It’s ilke 35% of my skills, but we enjoy each other - you know. But its definitely “settling” in my dance abilities - though, the payoff is okay… but not enough :(
The amazing dancing guy said to me three separate times - “you didn’t need to say yes and dance with me”, but even at the end i said, no its great. Thank you
Basically, after that dance, i couldn’t even say yes for the last dance with him. I just sat there after he asked me to dance. The guy who I’d been sorta - idk, in confusion with all night
which also made me realize my voice loses value I don’t follow through… I mean, the proof was right there that my whole aligned body and mind wanted different)
I was out of energy, I felt the connectoin wasn’t right… and I’d just had an amazing dance, I didn’t want to give over my dance to this guy when we still hadn’t solved anything and we don’t even really have a future together. And even in the present its so complicated.
So, after I denied him the last dance he stormed out of the venue.
I eventually got my stuff and left and sat on the beach and listened to my song I wrote with Ai - lol.
This amazing song I wrote that is all about group reflections and sticking to your word. I’ll put it here. It’s so calming. Kinda cheesy, but haters gonna hate.
This song has kinda been my prayer/reminder lately. It even surprised me. But it keeps popping into my head at crucial moments + its just so beautiful.
So i was listening to that song by the water and then he showed up. He said he wasn’t sure if it was even me.
Also the last time we’d hung out, he complained/commented about the cost of my meal he got for me - like some gyro plate by pike place.
then this time he again asked if I wanted food - while we were ont he beach, but I said no - I dont wanna waste either of our money.
Then a guy was over near us with a boombox like have a 1 man party, shouding, “let’s get this going like miami! i’m from miami” -
and I started to realize, if i wasn’t with him, i’d be joinign that guy hahaha. I’d go help him make this like miami and dance to the music, you know. But he was bringin gme down.
I also realized it was late and I didn’t want my energy depleated for a 3rd day in a row, just over him. That was enough.
We hardly talked, I asked him if he likes water, he said yes. I don’t. he said - yeah, not now - cause there was a coupel from the dance earlier who was now being playful in the water.
I don’t… and I”ve even once heard that symbolizes what you like/don’t like about sex too - you know? Your surrendering. Like, they say “your favorite type of body of water says a lot about how you appreciate intimacy” - and then also, its as literal as water.
We’re not a match so much. But we do care for each other so much.
Then i offered for us to get a cab and share it, to go to the subway. Then I ordered it. But didnt’ let him pay me back.
Then on the cab/car ride to the subway he asked in a text if he could walk me home - but i’d blocked him so i just looked at the words on his phone, but I wasn’t sure. I thoguht it through.
So then I edned up just humming my song to myself again for the second half of the cab ride. While thinking fo what to do and tehn what to say to him, about holding your head high - and you will keep learning to try. Yeah nothing here can define, if you truly believe, you can achieve, what we all need.
Then at the subway station, i told him there is no reasonable reason for him to walk me home… a few weeks ago, he asked what I want in a guy and I said consistency… i told him this again, and how i realize its consistently miscommunication, missed energy, and heartbreak. He’s traveling a lot soon, I said, so this feeling won’t last. You’ll forget about me soon over time.
Then i gave him a sincere kiss on the cheek
and it felt so nice even for me, I just wanted to stop there and hug him forever, you know? But we were on an escalator, too.
But then i walked up and got onto the train cause it was right there.
But then once the doors closed it was stalled. So we just looked at each other through the window.
I gave him many sincere nods, like “it’s going to be okay” - and then as we took off, I put my hand on my heart suddenly, and nodded him goodbye. Like so sincerely.
Even now I tear up writing it.
He’s so dear to me, you know. Maybe in another life and another world, but its not possible to lean on each other.
I can’t slow down for him, I can’t change my ways for him, he can’t change his ways for me, slow down his world for me. So, I’m so grateful for him.
We’ll see each other again tonight, maybe. As I write this. Cause I took a while to write this blog - and its already the next dancing event.
I think I do have a small bit of love for him, you know? He’s amazing. But. I just am grateful for our time togehter, and if somehow he completley changes and idk - what? Idk. Who knows what our future holds. But. It’s good to learn all of this. And get stronger. I never had an experience like this before. But it taught me so much, it keeps teaching me.
I don’t know how to end this blog other than - I’m proud of myself and idk what will happen with the friendship/relationship with me and this guy. It’s just hard to find the balance, you know? But he alwys says I’m too serious and I’m like - BRO YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH :)
Also, my schedule has switched a bit with my daughter so now we may just go together (me and her) to a few of these events, and then all the new events I was invited to - I can now join with my new schedule. You know?
So one door shuts and many others open.
I feel like now that I have experienced true love, I know how to feel love for myself and others. And I do have a lot of love for that guy, you know? He’s amazing. It’s just not life-partner material for ME.. and idk if even much more than that of what we could be - I’m a unique person and I don’t spend time unintentionally. Especially now that I deleted my social media. Its all pretty intentional.
over and out. girlscout
*jk. girlscout cookies freak me out… have you seen the people questioning/researching the heavy metals snuck into them? Idk. just look into it. it used to show up on my newsfeeds - but now i have none!!!!! Just KT.c :) bye.
OVERALL EVENT REVIEWS ELABORATED:
VENUE (3.9/5) - AMAZING VENUE - but there was no parking, its hard to get to by transit… and then like really none of the usual people were there. usually its hundreds, this time it was like 100 at most. So, it was sad lots of people couldnt’ join (plus its the charity event!)
FOOD (5/5) - they had a water fountain hahahah. I was thrilled.
Speaker Content (3/5) - bro… no live band!? At the ball blanc! The music was pretty good though, in the sense it had people dancing well. And each song was short, which is nice too!
Networking (5/5) - Totally! I danced with way more new peopel than usual - cause all 3 of my main dancing guys (even all freaking 10 of them, cause the same people always ask me to dance) - tehy weren’t there - except one, and I never ended up dancing with him.
Likeliness to Return (4.99/5) - Yeah, I love it - but of course there is a tiny bit of me that wants to hide and never go back again :)
Until next time, I wish you the motivation and success to search for opportunities around your area. Search and explore: Who is out there giving talks? There are new things happening all of the time.
Find relatable or interesting topics you like and check them out! Maybe even something hosted at a cool venue, if there’s no other reason to go. Let’s see what you can learn and discover not too far from home. 😊
