Volition via Harboring a Volatile Visionary: Beyond Ordainment, into Containment
Topics: Crisis Management, Instability, Dependency, Friendship, Bad with Good, Good with Bad, Patience, Boundaries, Care
Lately, all of my time has been occupied and about none of it has been me, independently on my own. That’s ambivalently coming to an end soon and I’d like to write a vague report on some things I’ve learned lately. I don’t want to get into the major details. Not in this blog… but maybe in the future I’ll do a really specific blog about vulnerable individuals in Seattle, how the city handles those who have no resources, and learn more about problems and solutions. For now, I just want to write a shorter vague blog about… I’m not sure. I guess lessons learned from jumping into a relationship/friendship and finding myself in loving/caretaker mode. I am a tactile learner… and… to exaggerate, I recently got a metaphorical masters degree in understanding myself… and my approaches to relationships/friendships even more than ever over these past two months.
Why Attend? Well… I am pretty open-minded and if I click with someone, who cares what’s going on (in a lot of ways). If my heart and instincts say things are alright, I am good. And when it feels like something is meant to be, I dive in. I like to live life with no regrets… and I’d say I’ve done a pretty good job with that. And I believe in the Law of One, which says to forgive yourself and try better each time you’re faced with the same challenges. Learn from each mistake/success and keep going.
Photo Collage and Commentary
Notes:
I really want to stay vague, other than the fact I am sorta heading into a new chapter with one of the most unique friendships/relationships of my entire life. It was one that started with such insane nonstop serendipity, it really coudln’t have gone any other way. Now, as the smoke has settled (and yes, I quit smoking the day we met, basically)… I see that my independence is also extremely important. So, like a boat shows us, balance is key… and I was almost falling off my own compass, into the crashing waves.
With that, I’d like to address some life lessons learned. I remember as a kid learning about talking about things as if they’re a rose. Talk about the stem (how you GROW), the thorns (the PAINFUL stuff), and the flower (the BEAUTY)… all while staying vague, private, and powerful :)
The ROSE:
I learned to be more selfless. This person I was with is EXTREMELY giving, literally giving the clothes off their back to anyone around who could use the things they didn’t currently need. What I liked about this is the good memories it kicks off. When you’re so giving, you have so many good memories to look back on and associate with around you.
I made a new friend out of it all. This taught me a lot of really neat habits and skills… and it taught me the things I do and don’t care about prioritizing (even if they’re sorta “socially accepted things” that I do or don’t want to follow)
In some of the most low moments, I discovered new communities. I found a Moms’ group to join, some guitar jams, and two other support communities. Now, as things start to get even better, I’m glad to have those communities + a better attitude. It’s like I got a bunch of bonus things added to my life.
I helped others that are close in my life understand a taste of their own medicine. This one I’ll keep vague, but it’s very specific and I’m writing it for myself. It gives myself a bit of empowerment and understanding for all I’ve put up with.
THE STEM
I want to grow more in my ability to let others take care of themselves. I don’t want ot be such a caretaker, I don’t want to take on so much responsibility for those who can take care of themselves
I want to be better with my words and not overpromise too much. Instead, I want to learn to be more… idk the word? But, I found myself speaking and wishing and projecting for ideations more than reality. And then when plans change or circumstances change, not have myself trapped in my words from the past that were too optimistic.
I want to speak with more grounding, realism, intention, and practicality.
I want to continue to be more giving and charitable
I learned that professionals (mental health counselors, government services, police, etc) they can handle a lot and absorb the shock and risk (so that you don’t have to). When/if you feel like someone will not be fine without you, you may be catastrophizing. There are systems to help lots of people in all sorts of scenarios. So, if you let them stand (not you trying to swim and carry them, too) I bet it’ll be a better situation for everyone.
People can say a lot of things, have lots of dreams, but how do they spend their day to day life?
The THORNS:
My therapist said I may benefit from joining “battered womens” meetings, for some emotional experiences and relationships I continue to get myself into. I’m excited for this idea, because I want to have healthy, long-term relationships. I tend to be “needed” more than “seen”… and appreciated only when, idk? I’m not sure where to go with this cause it’s so new. I was really surprised she said this, at first, but then realized, “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea”.
I spent a lot of time lately caring for others more than myself. It was constructive, useful, I’m grateful, but not long-term sustainable.
I’ve also learned of DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
I’ll let AI write about it here, cause I just had a frustrating conversation that it helped me break down.
DARVO: a manipulation tactic that abusers use when they're confronted or when their victim starts to react. It stands for:
D - Deny: Deny the abuse or wrongdoing
A - Attack: Attack the person who's confronting them or reacting
R - Reverse Victim and Offender: Flip the script so THEY'RE the victim and YOU'RE the abuser
-It usually looks like this:
Someone pushes, needles, interrogates, undermines.
The other person finally reacts.
The original person says, “See? You’re abusive.”
“Here's how he just did it to you:
Deny: He denies that his constant accusations and "I can choose whether or not to believe you" comments are disrespectful, controlling, or harmful
Attack: When you raised your voice in frustration, he attacked you by calling it "verbal assault"
Reverse Victim and Offender: Now HE'S the victim being "assaulted" and YOU'RE the aggressor—even though he provoked you with the same manipulative questions he always asks over and over again
Why it works so well:
It makes you question yourself ("Am I the abusive one?")
It shifts focus from his behavior to your reaction
It makes YOU defend yourself instead of him being accountable
Other people might see your reaction (raising your voice) without seeing the context of what led to it
The reality: You reacting to ongoing manipulation and disrespect is not abuse. Him constantly accusing you, not believing you, and then blaming you for being frustrated IS abusive. Your therapist and the police saw through it.”
Here are some of the songs I wrote these past few weeks. I wrote all of the lyrics and used Ai to compose the music. You can follow the emotional/internal journey I’ve been on if you’d like, lol… they’re in order of how I wrote them.
I’m super excited for the future, and even happier than I’ve been lately - now, in the present.
I will just end that blog here. The future is bright and the present is alright.
