A Burntout Founder Says Words That Sound Nice + Updates (from Heartache Ave)
Disclaimer: Everything below is a mix of what I observed and heard during the event. The goal isn’t to pinpoint "who exactly said what," but to share (usually) an outsider's view and overall perspective on these industries. I’m not here to act as a definitive firsthand source—readers should do their own research. I hope this inspires you to attend events, explore new industries, and hear what leaders are presenting. These notes combine my observations with thoughts on how things could run smoother and how ideas connect (IMO). I’m not an expert, you know? Just hanging out in the room with them. Enjoy.
It has been SO LONG since I wrote a blog hahah. Almost a week and a halffff hahaha. I’ve been busy a million times in the best ways, attending events… HOSTING EVENTS… dancing!! So here is my latest blog, it’s live-written as I attend an event about burnout as a founder - ANDDD I’ll catch you all up about the events I’ve been hosting (plus, this was written over a few days and some major personal life events happened which two in a row stabbed at my heart immensely) - then back to business, I’ve been asked to host for Tech Week (and Venture Week), and some of the dance events that I’ve been attending (they’re so fun). Also, I can update you all on my books and how that’s going. It’s a lot; it’s great - let’s make it a date!
Why Attend: Lately, I’ve been loving going to events → HOSTING EVENTS → and building more community. Plus, I’m loving the exercise + fashion passion of dancing. For today’s main focus, this event is promising to help founders avoid burnout and stay sane. Let’s see what they talk about (and I hope they serve food)
Photo Collage and Commentary
Notes from the Event
SPOILER ALERT: This guy talked about how to avoid burnout, yet the things he listed… he basically says he doesn’t follow them. It’s like an out-of-shape person teaching an exercise class. I don’t think anyone thought this through. And/or, idk. It just doesn’t make sense to me why he did this - and didn’t make his points actually what is WORKING for him, not just what he wishes he did - and then lectured to us, lol.
Not a lot of people show up to this event, but they get started. Talking about mental health, his own experience, and what he’s trying to do with his new startup to do things differently. Hopefully, this is educational, and the tools are available for them. Co-founder of a company here in Seattle. Been around 2.5 years. Raised over 7M for this company.
He’s working in AI and go to market. Two kids and figuring out how to manage family and kids. A lot of what he talks about and writes about is founder therapy and what helps him to stay grounded.
His company got acquired by private equity How can he be in a better position for success? Gained as much experience as possible. Had the best time in Australia, but he wanted to do another startup.
So he stated in 2019, sold in 2021. Then had a kid in 2022 and the second kid in 2025. He’d raised 27.5M on a 30-person hybrid team even with two kids.
His first company sold for 30M.
Over COVID, all he did was drink and work
And most of his former team is still working with him.
In 2019, he was doing yoga, mostly vegan, lots of mental health work, mindful leadership, and team management. Then 2019 the founder thing, he ate a lot of pizza, quit working out, didn’t see friends, lots of isolation; generally, work was going well, but things outside of work were hard.
After selling his company, he had more money than he knew what to do with, and his self-identity went down the toilet. He felt his baby had been cut up and didn’t know what people were doing with it. He thrashed hard for a few years. He also was like having champagne problems. Mentally had to deal with. The first year was good, but then the last two years he just wanted to quit. Tons of burnout. He worked harder post-exit than as a founder.
He had golden handcuffs to the company. He left early and left a bunch of money on the table. He didn’t like who he was, who he was becoming- generally not a good person and not a good fit. Then he started his new company. Now he’s working harder than ever in his life, so these are the 6 pieces of advice he’d give from this experience. He doesn’t want to become his old self again.
He wishes he could change himself - how he never ends up going on vacation and/or spends vacation mode working. So he builds a system to force himself to do what he needs to do.
He used to do 6 days of yoga a week, but now he does it once a week. He always prioritizes work over anything else.
He used to do digital detoxes or sound retreats or retreats where you don’t talk.
his wife says hes incapable of not working. It’s not a good thing, but its just you become so addicted to it
its like AI psychosis, you use it so much it becomes a self referencing loop
You do it so much but are you productive?
LESSON 1: Manage your energy, not your time
don’t force yourself if you don’t have the energy. You’ll half-ass it and/or it’ll impact all the work you do
schedule your meetings to biohack your own energy level
you know what does/doesn’t work for you, you’re the expert on you
swallow the frog. The one thing you have to do and you don’t have to do - the rest of your day looks great
I shared how i like to go do partnered dancing
How working in the FIFA watch parties, the energy was super fun for me to focus
LESSON 2: Eat, Sleep, Exercise
If you schedule something, you will do it
Amazon delivers all of his food, so he doesn’t have to worry about grocery shopping
He has an AI agent that orders his food for him
stressed, eat junk food
Lots of people underrate sleep. Make sure you get 8 hours of sleep per night
Build routines and habits
Kids are the best thing ever in his life; the satisfaction is immense, but it’s the hardest thing ever. The way to prioritize time is so valuable.
He doesn’t watch TV anymore.
LESSON 3: Maintain Relationships (friends, family, other founders)
He moved to a new city and then suddenly had no friends. Fully isolated during COVID.
Hang out with other founders; not many other people in the world understand what you’re going through. It is a roller coaster.
Reach out and meet with at least one friend per week. Tries not to let entire life revolve around tech. Get perspective and stay grounded.
LESSON 4: Prioritize time to Unwind
This is one of the hardest parts
Disconnect from work, focus on yourself
Vacations vs. Trips -
working, fun building together, talking about projects
Try to do at least one trip a quarter with just him and his wife
Silent retreat, no internet, forced disconnect, fishing
Camping, no wifi, unwind, recharge, and connect with each other
Exercise to stop thinking about work.
Try to keep your phone out of sight the entire time
LESSON 5: Protect your Rituals
Meditation, dog walking, hot tub, forcing self to unwind
I said that I have no notifications on my phone at all. It never interrupts my day
He talks about how the CEO is a super hard job, and he plays with his wedding ring in his hands - fidgeting with it.
Has some experience with sales, loves building projects.
He focuses on his customers and acquiring new customers
The guy to my left is checking the stock market and coding during this event lol.
He’s more cautious now… he will sacrifice a lot but not his family. That’s the hard line in sand; he cares about his kids, his wife, his relationship. He forces himself to have rituals. It’s not a ton of time per day. He tries to have dinner 3 or 4 times a week.
The girl next to me says getting a divorce was the best thing she could do. It’s hard to justify time away.
Now she has concrete times when she does and doesn’t have time with her kid.
No cost of guilt to leave the kid - versus no, this is my day.
The biggest friction was convincing his wife. Especially with a kid. So, setting up the contract, a social contract between them. The amount of time.
Full-time nanny, gardener, cleaner, chef - less conflict, buy your way out of a problem. If it’s less than $100/hr
He’ll spend hundreds to get an hour back in his day. Wants time with his wife and kids. They’ll spend the money. Good salary as a startup.
I shared how the opposite is possible too, if you are super poor (but lots of investments) you can get a lot paid for by the state/country/resouces (btw he asked us to share a lot
LESSON 6: Be Honest when You’re Running on Fumes
Be honest with your team - I’m not at my best right now.
I said, I tried to catch it ahead of time
Every week, his team will report how they’re doing with their health - either red, yellow, or green
They do a lot of off-site events. Remote hybrid. Company retreats, team health. Building relationships with those you’re working with.
His Fridays were always super fun. Lots of team building, getting to know team. Etc.
I said we all want to work for you. lol
And he said basically he doesn’t keep up with half of this list well, but he’d happily spend hundreds of dollars to free up an hour.
And he likes his daughter more than his son.
DANCING:
Dancing is really fun - EXCEPT when you’re doing dances you don’t enjoy.
I LOVE swing + country two step. I can do that for literally hours on end. Especially when it's outside. And you dress up in a dress that twirls better than you could ever imagine.
TANGO = turns out it’s the worst. I’d put it in the same category as boats: I don’t like it. Boring. You’re stuck there. Not having fun. No.
HEARTBREAK AVENUE:
I’ll keep it short and sweet. But a friend told me he doesn’t want to be reliable. No capacity. I don’t want to get into details, but it was painful to be rejected. And I’ll see them often for the next 2 months. But I told him I don’t even want to acknowledge him anymore. No reason to. So I blocked him. For good. (Though I’ve blocked this guy on and off like 10 times. This was the last straw - cause I finally laid it all out there, was totally honest and vulnerable, and they said - like, yeah… no. Sorry, but no.) Done.
After another friend - I thought was my friend, though we’d only met online… said they want to cut out a lot of their social media and essentially end chatting. This was a super stab in my heart, cause they were one of my favorite people to talk to lately. I felt like one of two people I could talk to about certain topics, maybe even one of one. So… it was double rejection and loss within 24 hours. I’m so sad to lose this friend. But, rip the band-aid and move on. Right? :/
This was way more devastating than the person probably realized. But it also made me realize… how lonely I've been lately. Just incredibly lonely. Absolutely starved for connection.
I was so happy to have a new friend to talk to pretty often. So I got the rug pulled from under me. Maybe it was effortless for them. And it’d be hard for them to realize how much that communication meant to me.
But that’s why I’m writing “lonely goldilocks”; it’s basically a true story. <3
And then I blocked this person, too. Though they know where to find me, and if they ever want to write to me and apologize and be my friend again, I’d forgive them. But for now, it hurt too much. And idk. I’m sick of feeling so disposable.
And access to my heart has value.
My best friend told me, as a reply to these two incidents: “Eagles with eagles, pigeons with pigeons.” And “they weren’t really your friends.”
Just days ago, when I started writing this blog, I was super happy. The past 24 hours or so, I’ve cried many, many times. But I’ll bounce back. And, yeah. So is life.
And hopefully I’ll make more reliable friends more and more. And if not, just get more used to the pain, prepared, and/or yeah. Keep going on. 🫥
Until next time, I wish you the motivation and success to search for opportunities around your area. Search and explore: Who is out there giving talks? There are new things happening all of the time.
Find relatable or interesting topics you like and check them out! Maybe even something hosted at a cool venue, if there’s no other reason to go. Let’s see what you can learn and discover not too far from home. 😊
